...so i touched it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
