I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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