My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
