I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
