i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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