Cold hands, warm shart.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
