Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
