After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I stole a fireplace last night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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