On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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