it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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