My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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