I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
