cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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