I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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