I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
