Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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