Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
