We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
