dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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