they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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