You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
