The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize