The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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