He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We need to rekindle our bromance
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
