I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
