whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
