dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
