you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
