using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
