Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
