are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
