literally had 100 drinks last night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
