You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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