My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
