she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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