Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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