I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
