Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
