so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My vagina is officially offended.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
