well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize