I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
