The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
