the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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