i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
