THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
