No stitches, just platelets and will power
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
