So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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