I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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