How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
