She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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