I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
