carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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