I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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