So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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