So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize