I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
