Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
