I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
