you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
