we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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