worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
