This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
