i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
