There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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