Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
