So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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