He uses pillows to masturbate.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
