I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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