I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
