how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
People in love make me want to vomit
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
