Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
