I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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