Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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