You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
