Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
