I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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