my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
