Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
