Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
