so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
