I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
