i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
