Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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