I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
