I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
