your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
