You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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