All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
