I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
