we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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