if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
