just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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