Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
