final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
