i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
