Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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