You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's the barista slut.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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